Intimacy means “Into-Me-You-See.” I recently asked my partner of over 20 years to tell me what is the heart of intimacy. My partner closed his eyes for several seconds and shared this:
“The heart of intimacy is being able to go into your highest highs and lowest lows in the presence of another. And being able to hold space for another to do the same.”
We then talked about what makes intimacy possible.
First and foremost, in intimacy comes self-love. It is not possible to truly accept and love another if you don’t love yourself. This includes not only emotionally, but also physically. Being comfortable with your own body and your own process is paramount for intimacy.
What is it like to be intimate with yourself? What is it like to be intimate with your own body? Your answer to these questions is what you bring to relationship.
Secondly, intimacy is about curiosity toward another. What is another’s path to pleasure? What turns them on or off? What pleases their mind? What specific touch awakens their sensuality and sexuality?
Intimacy blossoms from innocence. Adventure. Zen Mind Beginners Mind. What makes another different and unique? What is surprising and what do you want to know more about?
Intimacy is also born of empathy. Empathy is curiosity and self love blended together.
Empathy is the ability to connect to the universal human experience. As humans, we all go through similar challenges. We all suffer. We fall. We get up again.
Showing that we can feel what another feels, that we have been there before too, allows another to be with themselves in our company.
Intimacy is sharing our deepest self and deepest truth with another. Sharing the path with another who is finding and standing in their own self-truth is a great blessing. It is a learning journey and it is a life-long path. It is a de-programming from the scripts saying we have to act and think in a certain way to be loved, respected and valued in society.
So take these tools for your path to intimacy:
Commit to your self love practice. Love yourself firstly and fiercely. Be curious about the person in your life and the person right in front of you. Each person is a never-ending mystery. And show empathy when you are in the presence of hurts and sorrows. They are yours too.
Self-love, curiosity, and empathy make true intimacy possible.
Also, if you haven’t already please join my Facebook group for lots of daily tips on loving up yourself and thriving as a woman!
Love is Your Nature,
– Zoey Wren