Whether or not you want sex to be sacred or spiritual, whether or not you want to learn tantra or conscious sexuality, and whether or not you want to take your relationship to the next level, one thing is for sure: everyone wants to FEEL something from sex!
Here’s the interesting part: we all want to feel SOMETHING SPECIFIC!! Everyone is different when it comes to turn on, or what arouses us sexually. And here’s the really fascinating part: we can’t control what turns us on!
For some, this information may send you running in the other direction. How disempowering. You can’t control what turns you on! Might as well think about or focus on something else, something you can control or change…..
Other people want to know the trick to a sizzling sensual experience, to feeling really connected, to having extended orgasm, or to having orgasm at all!
Yet others are looking for a quick fix solution, wanting to know the best technique, the best thing to say or do to please your partner. The problem with looking for a quick fix is that you don’t find true fulfillment. It’s important to understand the deep underlying emotional component of sex.
At its core, intimacy is about feeling ALL THE FEELS. Feelings are what allow energy to flow and build and unfold in mystery, connection and bliss. Therefore, why not face the music and get to know WHAT YOU WANT TO FEEL FROM SEX!
The work of Jack Morin and other leading edge sexual researchers tell us that sexual arousal has deep psychological roots that trace back to our childhoods. What turns us on is connected to what we experienced in our youth, both good and bad.
So here is a simple but stunning way of looking at sexual turn on that will definitely get you thinking:
YOU ARE TURNED ON BY TWO MAIN THINGS:
1) The essence of events and experiences that were highlights for you in your childhood, or things that went well for you: You want to repeat them again and again.
For example, if your father always swung you up on his shoulders as a kid and it was a very positive experience, you may be turned on by a man with strong shoulders who acts fatherly toward you and even likes to give you massages or piggyback rides!
2) The essence of events and experiences that did not go well in your childhood, or things that wounded you: You want to repeat them in order to hopefully repair them this time.
For example, if you felt abandoned or neglected as a child it could really turn you on to have a partner who dotes on you, brings gifts, surprises, and overall makes you feel like the most special person in the universe.
What turns you on is certain words, certain kinds of touch, gestures (like offering flowers) and energy, like the way someone approaches you and initiates touch.
All of these elements blend together to make you feel a certain emotion. For example, for me, I was physically and emotionally neglected as a child. This causes me to want to feel seen and valued; to be pampered by my partner. When I feel seen and valued, it turns me on. I start to relax and open. Then I‘m ready to play!
Everyone is different. There are hundreds and hundreds of emotions you may want to feel from sex. If you want to discover your main Intimacy Blueprint™, this is a great start to understanding what turns you on and what to do about it. Take my online Intimacy Blueprint™ quiz for women. It only takes about 3 minutes.
All the emotions are doorways to connection. And connection is the one thing that everyone wants to feel from sex!
Remember, Love is your Nature!