The other morning I woke up feeling depressed. Then I became annoyed that I didn’t have the energy for my to-do list. I decided to consult the NVC list of feelings and needs. This is a super helpful resource to name your emotions and needs you are having in any moment.
After finding the words for my needs and feelings, I decided not to pressure myself for the day. I decided to lean into just exactly where I was at and see what happened. Here’s what happened:
My body said: “please go for a walk outdoors.” So I did.
Then she said: “go a little further and sit on that rock in the middle of the stream.”
So I did.
I sat down and was instantly mesmerized by the sound and feeling of water rushing around me from all sides. Then I started swaying and a song began to create itself in me:
“Let go, let go, let the harmony be. Let go, let go, bring it all into me…..”
I walked home with the sun tickling my face and the sound of spring bird song. But I still wasn’t ready to work……
I sat at my keyboard and arranged the new song with piano chords. Now my energy was starting to flow. I could feel it. I was in a better place now to do my work.
I looked at my To-Do list but didn’t feel inspired. BREATHE. TRUST…..
“What do you actually feel like doing in this moment?” I asked myself. I got an impulse to call a woman friend I have not talked to in a long time.
She picked up her phone and said: “Oh, good, you got my message.”
In fact, I hadn’t gotten a message from her. I had never heard it, I told her. I just had a feeling to call her.
We were both amazed at the synchronicity. The call ended with her considering coming to Nelson for my upcoming women’s retreat. I had chills through my whole body. This was meant to be!
Now I was energized!! I finally tackled my To-Do list.
About an hour in, my body asked for a break.
I got up, put on a song and danced! That made me remember that I had wanted to work outside on the porch today. Even though it is not as warm and sunny a day as a couple of days ago, I went outside and realized that “outside office “was totally do-able.
So I sat typing this blog to you, overlooking a large garden that is currently being developed for veggies, berries and flowers. I could see Kootenay Lake poking through the trees to my right. The ridge behind and to my left. It was quiet and peaceful outside. The air was fresh. My body was happy…..
If I had pushed through to start my work before I was ready, I might have revolted and collapsed. I might have needed a nap, or might have sunk even deeper into depression.
Instead, I approached the day from the feminine. No need to stress and get as much done as quickly as possible. No need to power through or do it anyway. No…I was listening in…and in that listening was given everything I needed.
I realized I had moved step by step from depressed to delicious!
Part of the ability to lean into and trust the feminine is about coming to terms with all emotions. In the past I would freak out when experiencing negative emotions. I would want to run the other direction and cover up. This only compiled the suffering.
Now I am more able to be with myself in all emotional states.
Emotions are “energy on motion.” They always shift and change. They persist when you resist. Being able to hold space and be with your emotions is what allows you to care for and hold the emotions of others in all your relationships. Practice with yourself first. It’s the feminine way!
If you would like to look at Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication lists of feelings and needs, I highly recommend it. It’s a great resource for staying embodied and connected. Here it is!
And here’s to your delicious self!
– Zoey Wren